Establishing Leadership
What characterizes a leader is they are considered important or relevant to the group, they set clear boundaries and are consistent in how they behave, how they expect the group members to behave and in what they provide the group.
(1) Establish Relevance. You must be considered important or at the bare minimum, necessary to your dog in order for your dog to even think that you matter. The most efficient and effective way I have found to do that is by limiting freedom until your relevance is established and developing a play-based relationship.
Limited freedom looks like leashing your dog in the house and tethering them to you or furniture to limit what they have access to so they don’t learn they can blow you off when you give them direction. They also learn to move with you as a team if they are tethered to you. Freedom is given slowly when they show they can make smart choices on their own and when they heed your direction.
Play is the conduit to an outstanding relationship with your dog. (Listen to episodes 5&6 of the podcast to dive into this concept) Play builds trust, understanding, communication, rules, and boundaries, but better yet, it builds a mindset in your dog that you are incredible to be around and do things with. You make your dog happy!
(2) Set Spacial Boundaries. Space is a resource so it does belong in the relevance category but it deserves its own callout. Personal space is a standard we all deserve to hold. Other people or dogs aren't allowed to push their way into our space unless we invite them to. Don’t let your dog crawl into your lap unless invited. Don’t allow your dog to jump on you or ram into you. Do occupy space separately from each other and be clear about times when you do give them permission to cuddle up.
(3) Be Consistent. Follow through 100% of the time, nothing less. A lot of times people think about this in terms of obedience and they’re correct. If you say sit, you must mean it. Don’t allow your dog to blow you off. Take the time to get the sit if you ask for it even if it takes an hour. Beyond obedience though, you must also be consistent in the boundaries you set AND in what you provide for your dog. Some sort of mental and physical outlet MUST be provided to them daily and they need you to consistently provide them that. A leader looks out for the group and provides them with what they need.
All of these concepts eb and flow with the dog’s needs. You can back off of them when you feel your relationship is solid but don’t throw them out entirely. They are there as training wheels and when we learn to ride we no longer need the training wheels but we don’t throw out the bike! Notice your dog is backsliding a bit in their behavior? Put the training wheels back on for a little while and see if that makes a difference. Add the spacial boundaries back in or go back to tethering. Leadership is fluid. It shows up strong and big when necessary and is quiet and reserved when all parties are getting along swimmingly!
